The Legend of Zelda?
by CrAcKeRs oN CrAcK
Summary: The struggles between Power, Courage and Wisdom will always keep the world in balance, no matter what the struggle is. AU


This story is a bit of a crack fic, and it makes sense that it is a little cracked sine I wrote it at 5 in the morning hee hee...

Enjoy.

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><p>"….and once the Hero subdued the Dark King, he secured the Princess of Hyrule's rescue and ushered in a period of peace and tranquility throughout the land…"<p>

The young woman, curled up comfortably on her couch, sighed as she shut her book. Tired of reading and waiting, she laid the heavy and ancient tome and opted instead to plug her earbuds into her ears playing music softly from her ipod.

She was humming and nodding her head to the music, so completely tuned out from the world around her, that she did not realise the golden tattoo on her left hand glow brightly, a sign of that would have alerted her to the upcoming events.

A sudden scream filled the room, a result of her shock, as she felt a strong, burly arm wrap around her waist and hoist her onto a shoulder, causing her to lose her grip on her ipod and her headphones to fall out. She looked to her captor, her eyes frantic and scared as her breath hitched tightly in her throat. He was tall and dark skinned, wearing faded jeans and a loose fitting shirt, his red hair long and messy. She could see the numerous tattoos that ran down his powerful arms, especially the glowing triangular one on his left hand, and the many piercings that adorned his ears, the perfect image of a thuggish man.

Fighting back against the towering mass of muscle and power at the moment would prove to be quite the useless endeavour.

"Miss me _princess_?" Ganondorf sneered.

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><p>Zelda stared out the window of the rickety pickup truck as both captor and captive drove in silence. Her hands and feet were tied securely, her mouth free since she wasn't in the mood to scream anyway. Ganondorf figured just as much, sparing her the gag as a result.<p>

"Where are you taking me exactly?" she asked wearily.

"My lair." Came the curt response.

"Which is…."

The Gerudo said nothing as he turned the radio on to the alternative rock station, his eyes firmly glued to the road.

"You could have just said you didn't feel like talking…" she grumbled as she continued to stare out the window.

At least the music was good.

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><p>A young man ran down the street, his shoulder-length blond hair all over the place. His feet were hurting as he made haste, his grip tight on the sword in his hand, not caring as he got strange looks from the people he passed by. His eyes were both tired and frantic, his mind uncaring of everything except the task at hand.<p>

The peace of this world was at stake, and only three people were aware of that, him included.

He skidded to a stop in front of one of the houses as he felt the tattoo on his hand glow, a sign that he had found the correct place. Without hesitation, he slammed his shoulder into the door, ramming it open. Stopping for a second to catch his breath, he shut the door behind him, not wanting anyone to know or hear of the battle of fate that was about to occur in this very building. Gripping his blade, he composed himself and made his way down to the basement where he could sense the other two Bearers.

The basement was dark, so dark that Link could not make out anything in the cursed room. The only light he had was the ever-glowing Triforce on his hand. He took a tentative step forward when he heard a deep, derisive voice.

"So you've finally come Hero…."

Link felt the wind knocked out of him as a ball of something smashed into his stomach, causing him crash against the wall behind him. Frantic and disoriented, Link lifted his sword-bearing hand and swung it down. His eyes widened in surprise when he felt the hilt connect with bone, and a heavy thud on the ground a second later.

Slowly standing straight, his hand groped on the wall, searching for a light switch. Finding it quite quickly, he flicked it open.

The Gerudo man was lying face-first on the ground, clearly unconscious, confirming the fact that he had caught the man right on his skull. His eyes scanned the room and fell upon Zelda who was tied to a pretty sturdy looking chair, her eyes wide as they stared incredulously at the fallen man.

Both held their breaths tentatively as they eyed Ganondorf, Link loosely holding his sword as their Triforces resonated. Zelda began to stare at the ceiling, her mind in a silent prayer as her eyes desperately pleaded…

And their Triforces stopped glowing, disappearing from each of their hands.

Releasing their breaths, Link suddenly dropped his sword to the ground with a loud clang. He fell to his knees, and heaved the Gerudo's body onto his back.

"Hey Gans…. buddy, you alright?"

The man groaned as he draped his arm over his head. "It's over?"

Link sighed in relief as he heard his best friend's voice. "By Din Ganon, I really thought I killed you for a sec there…."

"Though I think he needs like ten advils after a shot like that…way to go Link." Zelda responded sarcastically as she stood over Link.

The Hylian turned around to stare up at Zelda. "Hey, weren't you tied up like, ten seconds ago?"

"Yup, with licorice string 'cause Gans is too cheap to afford real rope. Just had to literally _eat_ my way free." Zelda said as she laughed "Ganondorf, you suck at being evil."

"Shut up Zel. At least it was convincing enough for _them_." He grumbled as he sat up, his hand grasping his head as he experienced what was most probably the worst headache ever.

Link sighed deeply as Zelda took a seat on the ground with both the guys.

"Seriously, a stupid fight between us three is what keeps the world in balance? Not trying to sound blasphemous or anything, but isn't that a little….kiddish?" Link wondered aloud incredulously.

"Nope, especially when the epic battle of fate involves an evil all-powerful soccer ball and a shot to the head." Zelda responded as she chewed on some of the remaining licorice.

"That hit was a soccer ball Ganon?"

"Told you; Ganondorf sucks at being evil." Zelda decided to answer instead.

"Hey…I did get you to scream…." The Gerudo retorted in response.

"Forget that," the Hylian woman cut in, "How about we put all this nonsense behind us, pretend it never happened, and go out for a beer. Cool?"

Both men nodded in response. That had been the most logical thing they had heard in quite a while.

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><p>And thus, this epic battle of fate went down in history, told to numerous generations as the previous struggles between Power, Wisdom, and Courage had been told. This caused the majority of the population to question the purpose of making three mutual friends fight some petty, immature, fantasy battle that did something so important, like, you know, <em>keep the world in balance,<em> which eventually lead them to question the sanity of their Gods, which eventually lead to 99.9% to fear for their own safety in the hands of mentally unstable holy figures.

And thus, these are the Legends of Zelda….


End file.
